Advice for the Unwanted & Unloved

Have you ever felt like a loser? Like the only one not chosen for a team? Like the only one not invited to the party? Although many people don’t admit it, most of us have felt that feeling of being left out, unwanted, and as though we don’t belong. What is profoundly sad is that it’s totally unnecessary. I find it incredibly sad that most people who were victims of abandonment, neglect, abuse, and/or dysfunction have no idea that they are some of the strongest, most resilient, most resourceful people on Earth. And that those qualities are highly transferrable and extremely valuable in the workplace.

For most of the first forty years of my life, I didn’t know about the awesome strengths, character traits, coping mechanisms, and compensatory skills I had acquired as a result of the pain I’d experienced. Consequently, I felt like a total loser until about 8 years ago. Oh, I knew how to hide it fairly well, but anyone who barely scratched the surface of the facade, would be scratching the barely healed scab off the life-long wounds of having been abandoned by my mother and father, severely abused by guardians, bullied by classmates, and rejected by just about everyone who saw the filthy, smelly, hurt and angry little girl I was. I didn’t know then how awesome I truly was. Had I known…had someone told me… I might not have been burdened under the weight of a feeling of being unwanted and unloved for most of my life.

After a lifetime of working hard to prove that I had some worth and value, trying everything I could to get people to like me, giving (and giving and giving) stuff, time, and money to others, something finally clicked. I had accomplished a lot of good things. I had achieved many goals and received awards of recognition. But most importantly, I had been blessed with some good relationships with healthy people who hung in there with me despite the drama that was driven by the continuously cycling depression and anger that was roiling inside me.

awesomeBecause of the good people who saw good in me, and pointed out specifically why they thought so, I was finally able to believe that there actually was good in me, and that, in fact, I was awesome in my own goofy way! No longer did I have to work hard at “acting normal,” (whatever “normal” is). No longer did I have to try to emulate the good qualities I saw in others (which was how I eventually untangled the tangled wiring in my brain from being raised by a mentally ill man and an alcoholic and addicted woman in a crazy-making environment).

When the light went on in my head and the “head knowledge” of knowing my good qualities dropped that long 18” into my heart, I finally understood that I actually am pretty awesome, and that it’s not arrogant or boastful to acknowledge it! Because not only am I acknowledging that about myself, but I’m now able to see the awesome qualities in others without having to be envious about what they have that I don’t. I realized that I’m not in competition with anyone except the person I used to be. Knowing the qualities that make me awesome, gives me the confidence to celebrate he awesomeness of others, which makes collaboration and powerful collective impact possible! It is for that reason that I’ve decided to help others find their unique awesomeness in the little book, HOW TO GET TO AWESOME—101 steps to find your best self.

I hope that everyone who’s ever felt unwanted, unchosen, or unloved reads it from cover to cover. And I hope that each reader finds his or her awesome self in the pages of this little book. And then I hope that each awesome person goes out into the world identifying the awesomeness of everyone within their influence.

Awesome people attract other awesome people. They attract amazing opportunities. And they seem to go from one awesome life experience to the next. Imagine awesomeness spreading like a “contagious virus” with every awesome person spreading awesomeness throughout the world! Could such a simple thing really change lives, and go on to change the world? I’m just goofy enough to believe it can! C’mon…join me!

rhonda-sciortinoRhonda Sciortino, author of How To Get To Awesome, used the coping skills from an abusive childhood to achieve real success which she measures by good relationships, good health, peace, joy, and financial prosperity. Through her writing, speaking, and media appearances, she shares how others can use the obstacles in their lives as stepping stones to their real success. Rhonda can be reached at [email protected]

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