People are struggling all around us. Some have lost jobs, others have closed the doors of their businesses, and still others have lost their homes. As if that weren’t bad enough, many families have been torn apart under the stress. Perhaps this describes you. If so, I’ve written this for you.
I’ve had to hit the reset button several times in my life. My parents left when I was very young, and my guardians were abusive. So, I’ve always lived life without a safety net. I’ve never had a family member to help me if I lost my job and couldn’t pay my bills. I say this not to elicit sympathy, but to make the point that experiencing serious adversity without rescue can lead to the development of self-reliance and resourcefulness.
The truth about successful people is not that we’ve never had it rough. It’s not that we’ve never experienced unfairness, or haven’t been through crisis and tragedy. Many of us have. The difference between people who emerge on the other side of adversity and go on to enjoy success and those who get stuck in the adversity is the decision to hit the reset button.
What do I mean? Hitting the reset button is, in short, digging deep and getting in touch with that indomitable spirit that drives us to try again after job loss, foreclosure, divorce, or any other major life change.
If you need to hit the reset button, pull yourself up by the proverbial bootstraps, get ready to try again, and take these steps:
Assess Your Strengths
Take an honest assessment of your strengths. There are strengths assessments available on the internet. Or you can do it the old-fashioned way and list your good qualities, talents, skills, abilities, and characteristics with pen and paper. You may be surprised at what you learn about yourself. The point of this step is to refuse to allow the boss who fired you or the spouse who left you to destroy your self-esteem.
Define Yourself by Your Strengths
Now that you have the list of all that’s good about you and all that you can do, focus on this. From now on think of yourself this way until you define yourself this way. When a thought of failure or some negative comment that someone has made to you or about you comes to mind, replace that thought with who you are, what you can do, and how well you can do it.
Market Yourself
Learn how to market yourself by communicating how your skills, talents, abilities, and characteristics can help others. Marketing yourself is easier today than ever before because of the Internet and social networking. The Internet allows you to research employers before reaching out to them. You can review their mission, vision, and press releases to find ways that you can align your expertise with identifiable needs of the company.
Through social networking sites like Facebook and Twitter, you can tell the story of who you really are, what you can do, and how you can benefit your future employer or business partners. The best part is that you can do all this absolutely FREE.
Monetize Your Strengths
The simple basis of economics is to receive fair compensation for what YOU can do. You monetize your strengths by identifying people, companies, organizations, industry groups, and any other groups that can benefit from your strengths, and then sell your services to them by communicating effectively what you can do to improve their efficiency and/or profitability. Be willing to receive less than you’re worth while you prove that you can add significant value to the person or organization. Agree ahead of time on a reasonable time frame for reassessment of your compensation.
Do these things and you will take charge of your circumstances and change your life.
There are more tips in my book, Succeed Because of What You’ve Been Through, and on my radio show, “CRACK THE CODE: Succeed Because of What You’ve Been Through.”
Contact me to let me know about your successes. www.rhondasciortino.com
Last Saturday I attended my first Girl Up USA event. It was encouraging, inspiring, and motivating. I never realized it or thought of it this way before, but I’ve been “girling up” since I was a little girl. In fact, I stayed alive by “girling up.”
When I was a little girl living in a filthy shack with an unstable and volatile man and a cowering, weak, addicted woman (my grandparents), I survived abuse by standing up under the blows. I never wanted to give that man the satisfaction of seeing me cower or cry. I despised my grandmother’s weakness and whining, so I did the opposite. I would glare at my abuser while he hit me. If he knocked me down, I’d get back up. I never begged, cried, or pleaded with him to stop. It didn’t take me long to realize that to do so did no good. In fact, if anything, that kind of behavior may have empowered him in some sick way. I learned that to fight back was to prolong the beating, so I would just stand there and let my mind wander to the day I would be free of all the pain.
That ability to imagine a different set of circumstances right in the midst of crushing pain has served me well. I imagined myself grown up, employed, and taking care of myself, and it happened. I imagined myself working for the oldest and largest insurance agency in my area, and it happened. I imagined myself owning my own insurance agency and protecting homes and services for abused children, and it happened. I imagined expanding my work nationally and helping insurance brokers all over the US to protect the child welfare organizations in their areas, and it happened. I imagined myself writing a book to help other victims of abuse, and it has happened. I imagined myself on radio and TV helping others with tips on how to improve their lives, and earlier this year I was on the Today Show, and later this month I will be launching my radio show, CRACK THE CODE and Succeed Because Of What You’ve Been Through on KTIE AM 590 in Southern California. It’s happening.
None of this happened because I was “lucky,” because I was “at the right place at the right time,” because I “knew the right people,” because I married a “sugar daddy,” because I bought a winning lottery ticket, or because I was the prettiest or smartest person. In fact, I’m not lucky; I have yet to know those “right people” (whoever they are); my husband is a great guy, but he was no better off financially than I was when I married him; I don’t play the lottery; and I’ve never been the best in any category. But I have enjoyed great success. Why? Because I’ve believed that I could, I imagined a better life, and I did the work necessary to make it happen. In short, I “Girled Up.”
As I listened to the four speakers, Dr. Crystal Mcclanahan, Jody Van Kempen, Robin Van Kempen, and Jenny Christiansen, I realized that they’ve coined a phrase for what all us ladies need to do to get through tough times. First, we have to believe that we can succeed not just despite what we’ve been through, but because of it. Second, we have to imagine a better life. And finally, we have to do the work necessary to make it all happen. No one is going to drop success in our laps, but we can…in fact, we must, GIRL UP.
I’d love to hear how you Girl Up and get through tough times you face. Contact me here.
Rhonda Sciortino
www.rhondasciortino.com
A real friend will tell you when you have spinach in your teeth or that your zipper is down! Most people, however, don’t want to take the time or take the risk of engaging in conflict, so they won’t tell you about the little things that may be holding you back.
Have you ever wondered why you were not the one chosen for the job? Ever wondered why you’ve been passed over for promotions? Ever wonder why you can’t seem to get ahead?
I do not mean to imply that I have all the answers–I don’t. But I am going to share with you some of the things I’ve learned that have helped me as an employee and as an employer. I am going to tell you the truth. I’ll apologize now for any comment that may hurt your feelings. It’s not my intent to harm anyone. I want to help you, and sometimes telling the truth stings at first. But if you’ll take this advice in the manner in which it is intended, it will help take your career to the next level.
Business sense tip #1: Understand that a person’s disagreement with your opinion is not a rejection of you. And even if someone rejects you outright, so what?
Business sense tip #2: Do something to help those who can do nothing to you or for you.
Business sense tip #3: When I was 14, a teacher told me to pay attention to what was being taught well enough that I could teach the subject to someone else. Because of that teacher, I have always taken copious notes and asked questions for clarification so that I could accurately relay information from meetings. Do that, and you will develop a reputation as a valuable source of information.
Business sense tip #4: In every area of life, if you don’t ask, you will never know if the answer might have been YES. If the answer is no, you haven’t lost anything, so just ask…for the job, for the date, for the partnership, etc. And be prepared to say what’s in it for the other person.
Business sense tip #5: NEVER go to a meeting without an agenda. If possible, get or create the agenda several days in advance so that everyone involved can be prepared with answers. This maximizes what can be accomplished at the meeting.
Business sense tip #6: Never leave a meeting without clearly defined next steps and timelines so that all attendees know what the expectations, responsibilities, and authorities of everyone involved are. If you can’t get the information from the people who called the meeting, they may not be serious about the subject of the meeting.
Business sense tip #7: Know who you’re dealing with. It’s easier now than ever before to go on the internet prior to any phone call or meeting and learn what you can about the person or people you’ll be meeting with. Who are they? What do they stand for? What have they accomplished? What boards do they sit on or where they volunteer, etc.
Business sense tip #8: Listen more than you talk. Ask questions of others, and really listen to their responses. Most people will tell you all you need to know about them if you’ll ask the right questions and really listen to the answers. If you’re in a meeting, do contribute but only if you have something relevant to say. Otherwise, listen, take notes, and learn.
Business sense tip #9: DO NOT LET EVERY THOUGHT IN YOUR HEAD DROP OUT YOUR MOUTH. This is true in every area of your life, but especially so in business. You may think the boss is a jerk, but keep this, and every other opinion, to yourself. If you are asked for your opinion on a specific topic, do give your honest thoughts, but stick with the subject and resist the temptation to go off onto every other ill you believe exists with the company and it’s staff.
Business sense tip #10: Do not share intimate details of your personal life with anyone at work. It WILL come back to bite you. Besides, you are at work to contribute to the efficiency and profitability of the company, NOT to find a social worker to hear your problems. Leave your problems at home and go to WORK to WORK. …harsh I know, but if you want to be successful, get over it and DO THIS.
Business Sense tip #11: When you take a job, you sell your time to your employer. The employer effectively owns you for the time the company has purchased. Therefore, spending time on personal matters while at work is stealing back the time you’ve sold. IF you want to be successful, focus solely on helping bring maximum efficiency and profit to your employer while you’re there. …when YOU own the business, you’ll want that from your employees.
Business Sense tip #12: You don’t know what you don’t know. You will never know who didn’t ask you out, who didn’t offer you the job, or who chose not to consider you as a business partner because of something they would never tell you. For example, gossip, a dirty joke, unprofessional appearance, use of profanity, or a tattoo can disqualify you without you ever knowing it. Conduct yourself in the way you want to be known. This is how you attract, rather than repel, opportunities.
Business sense tip #13: Most people avoid unnecessary conflict in their lives. Most people won’t take the time to tell you the truth about what you’re wearing or something you’ve said or done that put you in a bad light. So, if you want to be successful, imagine having a mentor or coach standing next to you giving advice on what to wear, how to act, and what to say. Then follow the good advice you imagine.
Business Sense tip #14: Don’t make an appointment with someone unless you are reasonably sure you’re going to be able to keep the appointment. Time is our most valuable commodity, and successful people treasure it. When you book someone’s time and then cancel, you’ve robbed them of the opportunity value of that time to schedule something that will move them closer to their goals.
Business sense tip #15: When you ask someone for a meeting or take their time on the phone, KNOW IN ADVANCE YOUR DESIRED OUTCOME. In other words, be clear about what you hope to accomplish. Are you asking for a meeting? Are you asking for the sale? Are you offering to help? If you are clear about your objective, you’ll be better able to communicate clearly that objective to the other person. Never book a meeting with someone with no specific purpose for the meeting. Successful people are clear and concise, and they are goal oriented.
Business sense tip #16: Confirm meetings no earlier than the day before and no later than an hour prior. Restate time and location to avoid misunderstandings and wasted time. Ask for the other person’s cell number, and offer yours, in case there are any challenges or delays. With the hectic schedules many people keep, it’s easy to double-book or forget an appointment. If you don’t confirm, you could find yourself sitting waiting for someone who is never going to show.
Business sense tip #17: DON’T BE LATE. With online maps, there is absolutely no excuse for not allowing enough time to arrive at your appointment early. Time is the most precious commodity we have, so unless there is truly some completely unavoidable situation, do not waste anyone’s time by being late. Develop a reputation for being the first one to meetings. If you are unavoidably late, apologize and drop it. No one wants to hear excuses and explanations.
Business Sense tip #18: Be very slow to take offense. Remember that people are probably not intentionally snubbing you. More likely, they are busy with their own work and lives. So, be assertive (not aggressive) about asking for what you want, be clear about what you’re asking for, and give a reasonable time before you follow up–but DO follow up.
Business Sense tip #19: When you need a response from someone, make sure to communicate clearly a specific date for the response. You may even include a statement such as, “if I don’t hear from you by Tuesday, I’ll assume you’re OK with me moving forward.” Use wisdom when employing this bold move.
Business sense tip #20: There’s an old saying in business that goes something like, “it’s better to apologize than to ask for permission.” Be careful with this one. Before you go off and do something outside your specified authority, be sure that you have approval of the people in charge. If you decide to take matters into your own hands, make sure what you’re doing is aligned with the mission, vision, and values of the company so that you can defend your actions if called upon to do so.
Business sense tip #21: When you’re making a relatively “cold call” to someone, DO NOT try to persuade the person over the phone to buy your product, hire you, partner with you or anything else. Ask only for a meeting of a specified time in which you can explain why it would benefit him or her to do what you’re asking. If you fail to heed this advice, chances are the answer will be, “NO.”
Business Sense tip #22: Never, never, never, never never appear desperate. Even if you are, don’t act that way. Optimism, hope, and eager anticipation of a bright future is what you want to portray if you want the job, the promotion, the partnership, the collaboration, the date, the friendship, etc. Desperation comes from fear. Optimism comes from believing that you are valuable. Believe it–you are!!
Business sense tip #23: When things don’t go your way, resist the temptation to get frustrated or angry. Step back and reconsider other possibilities. There may be a better plan right in front of you, but you won’t see if it you are emotional. A cool mind works better than a hot one, so cool down and think you’re way through to a good outcome.
Business Sense tip #24: There is an old saying in business that goes, “never let them see you sweat.” Even if you’re so nervous your knees are knocking together, ACT as confident as possible about what you’re there to do, and get the job done as best you can. Self-assuredness (not arrogance) with a “can-do” attitude are attractive. It’ll get easier as you go.
Business Sense tip #25: Resist the temptation to get discouraged. You may get turned down 25 times, but get the order, get the job, or make the deal on the 26th time you try. Winston Churchill said, “Never, never, never give up.” Many successful people have been knocked down. What differentiates us from others is that we keep getting back up. Get up and try again.
Business Sense tip #26: Every day identify the top 5 things you want to accomplish the following day. Then do nothing else until those 5 important things are done. Urgent items may temporarily interfere, but don’t let overflowing toilets or desperate friends derail your plans completely. Deal with the urgency and turn back to your agenda.
Business Sense tip #27: Eliminate profanity, vulgarity, and gossip from your conversations. Use of inappropriate language or engaging in gossip (true or not) does not make you appear “in” or part of the group. It does, however, make you appear vulgar, ignorant, and judgmental.
Business Sense tip #28: Check your movements. Do you fidget, pick your cuticles, adjust your glasses, move your hair out of your eyes?? Those kinds of unconscious movements demonstrate nervousness. Stop now. Adopt a confident posture and practice it until it comes naturally.
Business Sense tip #29: Check your speech. Do you use “speech fillers” like “uhhhh, ummmm, hmmmm, ya know,” etc.? Some people have a habit of adding a word or two onto the end of nearly every sentence. For example, “We were playing basketball and that.” The words, “and that” are not necessary to the sentence and are distracting. Practice eliminating “fillers.” Successful people mean what they say and say what they mean.
Business Sense tip #30: GET ORGANIZED. Keep track of where you’re supposed to be, how long it takes to get there, directions, and what you’ll need for the meeting. Do your homework before every meeting. Know some relevant facts about the person, company, industry or issues so that you can make relevant conversation.
Business Sense tip #31: If you have a hard time getting going or staying focused, set a timer and try to see how much you can get done in that period of time. Hopefully this will help you get focused and stay with a task until it’s done.
For many more tips, and examples on how to apply them, get my book, Succeed Because of What You’ve Been Through. To create your own success, get the accompanying workbook. And once you’ve done that, I’d love to hear about your success. Post here or on my facebook wall.
Please consider sharing your Business Sense Tips. Post them here or on my wall at www.facebook.com/rhondasciortino.
Rhonda
www.rhondasciortino.com
